A truth that may be difficult to absorb is that addiction is a life-long diagnosis. Anyone can recover but it must be maintained for the rest of their life. They must remain diligent and actively participate no matter how many years they have been abstinent. That being said, relapse is a common aspect of the recovery process. It is frustrating for those struggling as well as their loved ones but relapse is quite common. It is estimated that 40-60% of addicts relapse.
The first year of sobriety is the most difficult. A person with an addiction must overhaul their entire life and it’s not easy reprogramming your lifestyle as well as your mindset. So it’s not a surprise that 85% of people relapse during their first year of sobriety. Those struggling with addiction as well as their family may believe that a treatment center for a short period of time is enough to make the problem go away. Or for things to go back to “normal”. However, a 30, 60 or 90 day treatment plan is just not enough to get through that first year or to make addiction go away altogether.
A relapse can be caused by many factors including withdrawal, mental health issues, old acquaintances, poor self-care, co-dependency issues, self-esteem issues, certain smells, stress, overwhelm, boredom, isolation, poor coping skills, trauma, cravings, vulnerability, naivety, and much more.
Signs a relapse is near
The signs and symptoms that a relapse may be close could seem insignificant. Especially to the friends and family of addicts. It usually shows with small lapses. Perhaps they start to skip a few sobriety meetings here and there. They still go, just not as often. Or they may start skipping the gym. When they once went 4 days a week now they only go once or twice or skip weeks all together. They may start sleeping in or becoming less reliable. They may even quit their job or get fired. All of these elements seem normal enough to most people. We all feel tired from time to time. We all need a break every so often. Unfortunately, addicts who are sober do not get to take breaks. Their breaks lead them back to active addiction.
The difficult part is that they will easily explain it all away. Addicts are masters at making excuses and they are very convincing. They have spent many years developing these skills so don’t get fooled. As soon as you notice a slip in their activities, commitments, dependability, judgement and an increase in excuses, they are in the danger zone of a relapse. Do not accept any excuse for their lapse in responsibility or self-care.
80% of Alcoholics will relapse within the first year of sobriety.
49% of marijuana addicts will relapse within the first week of sobriety.
91% of opioid addicts will eventually relapse.
75% of stimulant addicts will relapse within the first 5 years of sobriety.
So, what can you do?
If you are struggling with an addiction, your treatment and self-care must remain top-priority especially during the first year of sobriety. If you need to cut people out of your life then that is what needs to be done. It doesn’t have to be permanent but it can be if necessary. You are your top concern and no one else. Next, you need a game plan. If you need to go back into a treatment center, then do it. If you need to go to an AA or NA meeting, then do it. If you need to contact your sponsor, then do it. Get the help you need and get it immediately. Secrets are poison so hiding will only make things worse. You must be open and honest with yourself if you have any chance at remaining sober.
Maintaining sobriety is a lifestyle choice. You either remain active in sobriety or active in addiction. Those are the two options you must choose from. It isn’t easy but recognizing when you are feeling off or beginning to slip is the exact moment it is time to reach out for support. If you can’t reach out to family then reach out to those in your support network or professionals. Reflect on how far you have come and how much you have overcome on this journey so far. Do you really want to go back to the beginning again? To suffer the detox and treatment centers for temporary please or soothing of temporary emotions? It’s a choice you will need to make for yourself. We all have moments of vulnerability. That makes us human. It’s our response within those moments that define who we are.
If your loved one relapses, do your best to support them. Maintain boundaries and do not waiver on your non-negotiables. If they need help getting into treatment please do what you can to facilitate that. Quick action is going to be your best bet. If you can get them in treatment the same day, that’s best. Otherwise, as soon as possible. Please note that a large majority of overdoses occur right before or the night before entering a treatment center. They want “one last high” before getting clean and tend to use more than normal. Insist on not leaving their side if they have agreed to go into treatment and a bed has been secured. Sometimes family members try to force them into treatment. It is a delicate situation but generally speaking, forcing tends not to work. It makes them feel as though they have no control of their own lives and they often rebel against this. Try to get them to agree to it on their own through negotiations and self realizations. They have to want it for themselves.
Praise them for being open and honest about the relapse and try not to make them feel any worse than they already do. There is a lot of guilt and shame on their end so adding to it does nothing for your relationship. Keep conversations as neutral as possible. Try not to give them demands or ultimatums. Instead offer them choices. They can choose to go to a treatment center or they can choose to find another place to live. It isn’t a treat it is a choice.
Lastly, please remember that you cannot control the actions of others so offer support but do not absorb any of the guilt, shame, or consequences of their actions. You must take care of yourself both physically and mentally in order to be strong enough to support them through this journey. Your needs matter and you showing up for yourself is productive during their relapse.
Lastly
Some people relapse once, others may relapse dozens of times. It depends on how productive the person is in their sobriety. Sobriety is a life-long commitment. When the maintenance isn’t being done, a relapse is usually inevitable. Only about 9% of people who recover never relapse at all. Assume you are not part of that small 9% and stay vigilant. Keep an open mind, open communication and an open heart. Here at Sober and Beyond we facilitate a life beyond sobriety. We believe that life can be expansive and everyone is capable of overcoming addiction. It can’t be done alone. This is why we offer group as well as individual coaching services to those with addictions as well as the family and friends of addicts. To learn more about what we offer visit HERE.